Thor V.S. Superman DEATH BATTLE Prelude.

David: Sometimes, the Earth might not be in its place without the iconic super heroes. Weather they work in the dark, run insanely fast, or come from different worlds.

Cole: Don't know about you, but I'd rather have those 'other worldly' super heroes. Like with Thor, Prince of Asgard.

David: And Superman, the Man of Steel.

Cole: He's David, and I'm Cole.

David: And it's our job to analyze their armor, weapons, and skills to see who'd win, a Death Battle.



Thor:

David: Thor Odinson, or more commonly known as Thor, is son to the god Odin in Norse Mythology. He is the watcher of Midgard, the God of Thunder, and also Oak Trees.

Cole: That's kinda lame. How'd you like to know that your got your butt handed to you by the God of Oak Trees.

David: Ok, let's not go nitpicking at every detail here, ok?

Cole: Fine...well, if there's anything to say about Thor is that he's hella strong. 

David: Oh, we're just getting straight to his powers?

Cole: Well, duh? Anyway, Thor has super human strength and speed. And he doesn't seem to get tired that often, or probably at all. He's also very friggin tough. 

David: To top it all off, he's immune to things like poison, and other aliments. He's also nigh-invulnerable to most means of harm due to his god-like status. And speaking of god-like status, Thor's also immortal.

Cole: But Thor wouldn't be much without his awesome hammer, Mj..Ml...Mjo....

Davjd: Mjolnir.

Cole: I had it! Anyway, Thor's Hammer might seem small and really ineffective, but don't judge a book by its cover.

David: Mjolnir was forged in the heart of a dying  dwarf star.

Cole: And it's name literally means 'crusher'. Why? Because Thor uses it to crush almost all of his enemies!

David: The hammer is mystically bound to Thor and it seems only he can lift it. Though others like Vision, Red Hulk, and even Magneto have found different ways around Odin's enchantment on Mjolnir.

Cole: But when it's in the hands of Thor, he can do some pretty insane crap with it. Not only is it invincible, it can also fire anti-force energy blasts and the God Blast. A powerful beam of Thor's own energy that can kill immortals!

David: And if Thor doesn't feel the need to use his own energy, he can use the energy that's around him. Being the God of Thunder means Thor can manipulate the weather around him. He can fly uses the wind around him, can make earthquakes, and can uses lighting to a multitude of attacks. Also, her can throw his hammer and it'll come back to him, almost as if the hammer's alive. 

Cole: Sounds like a now dead Keyblade wielder I knew and loved.

David: We're not talking about it again, it's not my fault Link won!

Cole: TRY SAYING THAT TO ALL THE KINGDOM HEARTS FANS!

David: AHEM! Anyway, if you thought Thor was lacking in strength, he has the Meging Jord.

Cole: Meg....whatever, the Belt of Strength doubles Thor's physique. Making him stronger than before. 

David: And he wouldn't be a legendary hero without some incredible feats. 

Cole: He's a master marksman, his top speed is Mach 32, he overpowered the friggin Hulk, escaped a black hole, he knows martial arts, and he can survive in the sun.

David: Aside from Odin, Thor's the strongest Asgardian. He can even break adamanteum.

Cole: Ya know, the same metal that Wolverine's bones are made out of? The strongest metal on earth!

David: As impressive as Thor sounds, he's not unbeatable. He has a inferiority complex, has been boxed by Captain America to a stand still, and he has been easily tricked by his brother Loki many many times.

Cole: And if you've been keeping up with Marvel comics, you'd know that Thor is a girl! Why? 

David: Because Nick Fury whispered something into Thor's ear that made him somehow unworthy to wield Mjolnir. Meaning Jane Foster had to pick up the hammer. Though it's unknown what Nick actually said.

Cole: But hey, if there's a fight Thor's in, he's bound to win eventually.


Thor: 'Have at thee!'




Superman:

David: Kal-El was born on the planet Krypton. He was sent to Earth with the goal of saving human life.

Cole: When he crashed, he was found and raised by the Kents who took him in an named him Clark. 

David: As Clark grew up, his Kryptonian powers kicked in, making his life very weird. The people around Clark treated him like an outcast, though it wasn't all bad, he was just thought of as an utter weirdo.

Cole: Later on in his life, his partners told him about his powers and his other worldlyness. 

David: And not long after, Clark moved into the city of Metropolis and became a investigative report for the Daily Planet and worked with his soon to be wife, Lois Lane. 

Cole: Ughhhh...enough about the human side of him, let's talk about the alien part of him.

David: Many would consider what you just said as racism. 

Cole: Well I'm not wrong.

David: Anyway, there's a multitude of powers that Superman has. He can fly, has super strength, a healing factor, super/arctic breath, and his famous heat vision.

Cole: It's unknown how high its temperature it can reach, but it's hotter than the surface of the sun! Though it drains his powers faster. Though it can reach microscopic levels invisible to the human eye so he can lobotomize people. 

David: He's also got super senses, including super hearing, and see through anything with his X-Ray vision, well, expect for lead. He does, however, have telescopic vision, microscopic vision, electromagnetic spectrum vision, and the Theta Vision which he can see people's aura.

Cole: He can see your soul!

David: He...can...actually...

Cole: Oh...there's got to be a reasonable explanation for his insane powers.

David: There is. Superman's powers come from the solar rays of the sun. Superman can absorb yellow or blue sunlight and his powers will rise. In some cases, Superman can and will fly himself to the sun if the situation is tough.

Cole: Of course, that's not all Superman can do. With his super speed, Superman can vibrate to phase through attacks. And when he vibrates his fists a lot, he can use the Infinite Mass Punch. 

David: With this move, Superman can destroy entire planets without too much effort. And he's more than tough enough to survive the explosion as well.

Cole: Superman is also super intelligent, he has a super brain along with a perfect photographic memory, is a technological genius, is also a master tactician, can read and memorize DNA, and was taught all remaining Kryptonian knowledge by Jor-El, his father.

David: He's also very skilled at martial arts. He knows pressure point combat, hand-to-hand combat, boxing, psychic barriers, precise muscle control, and two Kryptonian martial arts, Torquasm-Rao and Torquasm-Vo.

Cole: Superman has done some pretty insane things, like when he stopped an F5 tornado just by clapping his hands, or when he held a mini black hole in his hands, or when he was in the middle of two planets colliding with each other, or when he flew into the center of a red sun, or when he dragged the Earth around! And this guy's tough enough to survive supernovas! 

David: Unfortunately, Superman's crazy abilities aren't always enough to let him win everytime. If he remains out of sunlight for too long over the course of a battle, he will eventually die. He also has some specific weaknesses like Kryptonite, fragments of his world which bring him to his knees. Should Superman be exposed to Kryptonite for too long, it'll eventually kill him. 

Cole: And remember the whole Superman flew through a red sun thing? It's a big deal that he did because red suns will actually drain Superman's powers. And he has no resistance to magic attacks. He also spends more time protecting the city than improving his own abilities. 

David: One thing's for sure though. Pissing him off is the last thing you'd want to do.


Superman: I feel like I live in a world made of cardboard. Always taking constant care not to break something. To break someone. What we have here is a rare opportunity for me to cut loose, and show you just how powerful I really am.